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No time for love

What's wrong with men?
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

s it advice? Is it opinion? Or is it simply the monthly rant of a pompous, over-the-hill windbag? Whatever it is, it's been happening without fail since our very first year, 2001, when GZO Jones contacted us from his Brazilian retreat and hinted at a literary pedigree that reaches back to the Beats. So we offered him the job and he's amused us while remaining pithy and religiously reliable ever since. Plus, he works really cheap.

Dear Dr. Jones,

I'm a 30-something woman in a healthy, fulfilling relationship; this is about my friend. She's very beautiful, fit, mid-30s, funny, intelligent and has a good job. But she hasn't had a boyfriend since I've known her. She never gets hit on. What's wrong with men?

Cold, Lazy or Dumb Sonsabitches


You've zeroed in on one of the questions of the ages. What's wrong with men indeed? A recent unscientific study points to several predictable reasons:

Men are insecure and intimidated by physical beauty
Men believe that beautiful women don't need to be hit on
Men can't handle rejection and prefer "low-hanging fruit"
• Men believe that beautiful women are "high maintenance"
• Etc.

All these reasons and many more like them probably have some merit. But really, love and happiness can't be quantified. Maybe your friend should simply start hitting on men.

That won't do much to make for better men, but it will likely make your friend's trip from Point A to Point B happen a lot quicker.

Unless, of course, what she's really interested in is women.

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

What about stem cells?


Dear XY,

I sense that you're trying to goad me into a typically left-leaning response that you'll show your friends as evidence of my hopelessly liberal bent.

OK then, here you go:

Stem cells represent the future of science and any opposition is a ridiculously shortsighted attempt by religious zealots to move an already fading country back into the last century.

Since when is South Korea's place in the world of science ahead of the U.S.? Since the zealots took control.

– Jones

Examine more advice from GZO Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your question, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

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