M a y   2 0 0 2

No time for love

Only history will say for sure
Dear Dr. Jones
by GZO Jones

Each month GZO Jones adds to his own pungent aura by answering as many questions from our readers as he sees fit. He swears he lives in Brazil, was part of the Beat movement of the 1950s and ’60s and recently recovered from a lengthy coma. Want more? Check out the GZO Jones Town Web site – we’ve been there and all we have to say is ... he hits his deadline, so who are we to argue?

Dear Dr. Jones,

Most of the "Beats" seemed to be gay or at least bisexual. What about you?


Dear Curious,

I am not homo-, mono-, bi- nor tri-sexual. Warped, perhaps, but generally straight. I’ve drunkenly received a hummer or two from what at least seemed to be beautiful ladies with superfluous anatomy, but that hardly counts. I was on the tail end of the ever-lavender Beat movement, and I’d like to think that my innovative writings and brash lifestyle led to the end of Beat as we knew it. Only history will say for sure.

But while we’re on the topic, I’d like to air one of my lifelong peeves: Why must we be so preoccupied with what goes on in each other’s bedrooms? Are we envious? Bored? Small-minded? All of the above? If we’d make a sincere, collective effort to worry a little less about the collective affairs of others, we’d probably find our hands increasingly full – literally and figuratively both. Not to mention that we’d make the world a friendlier place. I certainly didn’t coin the following phrase, people, but it seems painfully obvious: Can’t we all just get along?

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

What would you suggest to someone looking for a novel and, shall we say, "pharmaceutical," adventure? Everything out today is too toxic or too boring.


Dear Jaded,

Right now I’m using a mixture of DMSO and biological extracts compounded by some of my rain forest friends. For an added dimension of strange, I have my household staff daub this mixture on various random locations throughout the day. The capo of my guitar for example, or the letter X on my keyboard. Sometimes it will be the handle of the toilet or the refrigerator. For the sake of liability, I won’t give specific ingredients.

So if you want to get my exact high, then feel free to drop by the ever-secret Jones hacienda. If you can find it.

Of course, I like to temper it all with a dose of reality every so often.

– Jones

Dear Dr. Jones,

Is it true that Steely Dan takes its name from a vibrator, and, if so, how could the '70s mainstream have allowed such a thing? Do you think that society has become more conservative since the '60s and '70s? And, if so, is this a bad thing?

A Concerned Rock Fan

Dear Concerned,

Yes, the clever creators of “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number” took their name from the metallic dong mentioned in Burroughs’ “Naked Lunch.” How did it slip through? Everything the Dan did in the ’70s was like the purloined letter – hidden in plain sight. Beneath a veneer of watered-down jazz/rock fusion, Becker and Fagen said a lot of things pretentious, caustic and subversive. Most of it passed for what was known as “pop” in those days, and thus all manner of literary perversion made it to the radio.

As for society being more conservative, all I can say is that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

– Jones

Examine more advice from Dr. Jones, visit his Web site and e-mail your problems, large or small, to gzojones@hotmail.com.

site design / management / host: ae
© 2001-2005 nwdrizzle.com / all rights reserved.